The Dreams of Men

Matt

Debrief. A nightly occurrence where 5-6 boys and a staff member gather at a bedroom, lounge, beach or table and discuss a posed question, topic, quote or poem. Recently in Goa I have been thinking about dreams and what kind of man I want to be going forward in life. I'm not sure I want to be your traditional man in society. This was our debrief topic the other night and I want to share my answer and explore it more. To me the traditional man in a household and in society is one who has holds a high paying job, owns a large house, has a wife and children, drinks beer, is well muscled, enjoys watching sport on TV and can cook a BBQ on a Sunday evening among other things. You're view of a traditional man may be different, in fact I expect it to be but that's just what has been portrayed to me in my life. 

Do I want to be a traditional man. Yes and no. Some of those characteristics sound pretty nice. I would love to have a wife and children, never struggle for money and the Tour de France is the best sporting event on television. Some of the other things though, in my current mindset, I don't think are necessary in becoming the man I want to be and that I see as an ideal man. Last night in debrief we were given a poem called If by Rudyard Kipling. From it a few couplets stood out to me.

If you can keep your head when all about you

    Are Losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;...

...If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;...

...Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

    And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

The first set were the four I discussed with our debrief group. I find that keeping a blue head as the Headmaster puts it is a really admirable quality to have. Keeping cool in tough situations makes a man to me.

The second couplet there spoke to me as well. Generally we consider triumph and disaster to be the opposite of each other but this poem made me think otherwise. If you can throw away the arrogance that comes with triumph and ignore the sadness that comes with disaster then you will be a more balanced person and you won't be misguided by your success or failure. It's okay to feel the emotion that comes with both triumph and disaster just don't let it go to your head and control your every move and that will make you a man to me.

Now let's get specific. What makes you a man to me? Or more specifically what kind of man do I want to be? This was another question posed at debrief. Well, you don't have to be that traditional man I mentioned above but if you were the embodiment of that you would definitely be a man by my standards but the category of 'a man' stretches far beyond those highlighted traits. The man I want to be is empathetic. He is kind and caring to those around him but has the courage to be firm and stand up for his morals. He doesn't let victory and failure go to his head, he keeps his ego in check and is humble. He possesses the braveness and strength to go against the grain and take risks to follow his dreams. He is okay with living a frugal life and money is no great desire for him.

"Right now you are writing the story of your life. But is it worth reading?" - Some Jeep Ad

Sitting above my study desk at home is another quote infamous among some of my Snapchat friends;

"When you are lying on your death bed reflecting on your past life will you lie back and say 'yes I have no regrets' or will you lie there and cry?" - Matt Illing 2016

You might notice some correlation between these quotes. I want to be a man with no regrets in life. I want to take every opportunity that comes my way and to do the things I dream to do. I have said to multiple people on this trip there isn't a place I don't want to go on this planet and prior to this India trip I wanted to travel the world and India has only helped amplify this desire to see our Earth's beauty. I want to travel the world and write a life story that is a bestseller, a all time great, a classic. India is just the start and I'm sure I'll be back soon.

One thing that I have just noticed upon my reflecting in Goa is the new found comfort with only having a small and simple life. When I was around 9-13 years old I would sit on my bed at night and draw designs of products I would invent and sell when I was mature enough. I had a burning passion to be rich, entrepreneurial and well known. I have found that as time has passed I have grown ever more comfortable with just having a more normal life then a trillionaire entrepreneur. I have nothing against going to university, getting a medium wage job and starting a family and I will not be disappointed in myself if that's what I do. But my life would have to be interesting nonetheless, filled with stories and experiences that your average person doesn't have. Nagaland, Quttinirpaaq National Park, Bagan, all places most people haven't heard of but yet places I want to go and experience.

So back to the topic of what man I want to be going into 2018 and beyond. Along with the traits I mentioned above. The most important thing is that this man should have an unsatisfiable wanderlust and a deep sense of making the most of life. In 2018 I will make the most of every second.