Letter to Michael

Michael

You worry so much. And you always will, you're borderline paranoid and you'll check and recheck five times that your name is on the front of the exam paper, you'll read and reread that email seven times before you hit send to make sure it says exactly what you want. I would tell you to stop worrying, everything has turned out great, it'll be fine. But that's just who you are, you wouldn't listen and you would continue to worry just as much.

I wouldn't change that in any way. Same goes for everything else, because everything you learn, every regret, you'll learn for yourself and they'll shape the person you are here in 2018. I won't give you advice, you'll find your own way. Instead I'll tell you what I've learned, and let you find out why for yourself.

Looking back at the last four years, the best moments and memories that stick out have come from time spent with friends or family. Holidays, the India Trip, concerts, nights out. Playing football or volleyball, what you remember most fondly, aren't the games but the dressing rooms and the banter amongst teammates and friends.

That's something you've learned. The lesson sticking out in your mind as you sit in the Goan sun, having had the best time of your life, living off the energy of 22 likeminded boys, is the importance of human connection. Despite their impoverished existence, seeing the endless smiles of Indian children surrounded by their friends has taught you that happiness comes from other people just as much as from within yourself. 

Yet you're dissatisfied. Despite now knowing this, you look back at the last four years and, more than anything, you see yourself hunched over at your desk, for many long hours, studying, always worrying about the future. There's a tinge of sadness at opportunities and experiences you've missed out on because you were so singleminded and focussed.

Despite this intermittent tug of regret and sadness, overall you think you feel happy. Right now you're in a great position and you've done Grammar right so far. That's the next lesson: hard work pays off. It might be hard and gruelling but you have been rewarded for all the effort you have put it.

So then, bearing in mind the past four years, you enter the New Year with a new resolve, a slightly tweaked life philosophy. 

If you remember back to a certain India meeting, a wise "water-carrier" talked about life, and how it can be compared to a stadium. You have lived the last four years as a really good, skilled central midfielder, in control and with a decisive influence in all areas of the game. You have dedicated yourself tirelessly to become a standout player in that role.

But you feel like it's time now to go out and explore the wings, to let lose and open yourself up to some more wild experiences in unfamiliar territory. 

You'll read a book, Shantaram, and in it you'll find a particular quote that stands out and speaks to you:

"The past reflects eternally between two mirrors - the bright mirror of words and deeds, and the dark one, full of things we didn't do or say."

You regret most of all the things you don't do, the experiences you miss out on. You don't want to see anything more when you look back into that dark mirror. Now, you feel it's time to go and explore more than just the centre of the pitch.