A Letter to Myself

Dear Rowan 

Okay, so I have just been told to write a letter to you yet I am not really into people who spoil things and so I don't want to be some sort of paradoxical hypocrite. A letter to yourself is confusing, like do you even want to know about us? If you don't, feel free not to read. Also if I tell you to do something, I worry you'll feel your destiny has been taken out of your hands.

Yea now that you mention it, if someone was to come along and tell me everything I have achieved, I am sure I'd make it my one goal to escape that predetermined path. I guess we are kinda like that, we don't want to do what's already been done. Perhaps that's what it's like to grow up behind a brother who does everything first. Do you know what neither of us have done? Learnt a language all the way through.

Ahh but you see that was just a subtle plug to try and convince you to take French in fifth form. You can't even trust me, yourself. I'm just trying to manipulate you for my own benefit. That's got to be a whole new subset of selfish. I guess you've always had Hamish filling this role, giving you advice. To an extent I'm the product of his letter to his third form self, and so are you?

One of the things I have come to believe is that I shouldn't worry about achieving because I back myself to do so. But you shouldn't; be scared, be nervous. You have to earn this and I'm not giving you mine. Would you even want it?

I appreciate that you might not relate to some of the things I am saying but this is a true taste of myself and yourself. Are you destined to become exactly who I am, if so, what's the point in this letter?

Five years is a long time to reflect back to, yet the unknown probably makes it seem a lot further to you than it does for me. It didn't necessarily go fast but I sure will miss Grammar the same way you miss ANI. Ooh I remember being really scared for the entrance exams, good luck for those. I could tell you that those exams don't stress me out anymore but that wouldn't help you.

I really hope this letter doesn't make you have an existential crisis knowing that there's nothing you can really do that I didn't do before you. Also does it make your actions seem pointless knowing that I don't remember anything you got up to? That's up to you to decide.

Bro.

I reckon if I got another letter right now from five years in the future, I wouldn't have a clue what it would say and I definitely wouldn't read it. That would be pretty extraordinary. I have no clue what I am doing next year, but I wouldn't want you (future Rowan reading this) to have told me.

That's the fun in it.

Take care, 

Both of you,

Present Rowan