The Dude In The Spa Stole My Leg Hair

George

And oh boy did it hurt. It hurt so much. So much. It still haunts me. So much pain. An incredible amount of pain. The most pain anyone's ever experienced ever. 

I'm a hairy person, and if anyone has seen my legs, there is quite the amplitude of hair. In dealing with hair of such gravitas and girth, it can be assumed that the hair roots have an impressive grip to my leg, and that's sure what it felt like. For anyone who's ever been on the receiving end of a wax, I am so sorry. I could perhaps pull a Rowan and make some brilliant extended metaphor out of the experience, but frankly nothing compares. 

So basically, for all those wusses and inferiors who haven't had a wax, it is the worst thing. First of all the wax is majorly hot, like a source of major discomfort. BUT THEN, the dude puts the strip thing on, BUT THEN, with his toned and muscular arms, he rips. 

If anyone has plucked a leg hair, especially as a male with impressive leg insulation, it's a pretty rough experience. Imagine that but times at least 40 trillion. Imagine being slapped in the face on live television with an axe, times that by maybe 50 million ish, and you're getting close. If anyone's seen Game of Thrones and there's that one scene where they do that thing to that one guys finger, I am envious of such childlike torture.

Oh might I add, again in direct complaint to my parents about my legs, with great leg  length comes great surface area. So yeah I was in there for 2 hours. If you think about it that's basically two whole days of being waxed. 

If anyone back in New Zealand is wondering if you can stroke my legs, yes you can, please do. 

Leo is currently grovelling at my feet for a shoutout in this blog, and I suppose that's fair, as he, along with Cam, provided stellar moral support, by being a person I could whack when the pain got too much; there was far too much to not share some around. However, being the small infant that he is, Leo has zero experience with leg hair so can honestly not comprehend the gruelling mental gauntlet that was the wax. 

Genuine shout out to Boswell, that mans legs are on the large side in regards to surface area. His wax only took 45 minutes, but only because that incredible man had two women going hard on his arboreal legs, and boy were they going hard. 

If anyone's thinking "Yeah but George your legs are gonna feel so nice when you go to bed and wear long pants and stuff." Don't. They Don't. They sting. Maybe give it a few days and they'll feel heavenly. But for the time being, I am crippled by the memory of the agonising, brutal, horrendous, torturous, harrowing, bad, and excruciating pain. Especially the back of the calf and around the knees if anyone can relate. And they sting on almost any provocation.

861 rupees well spent I reckon.