I'm Finally Feeling

George

Before I get into this I'd like to launch a formal complaint to my parents for my legs, they are frankly far too long to be sensibly put anywhere on a bus this small. 

During this trip, I have debated at length with myself about what exactly it is I'm feeling. Because being here has left me feeling all sorts of wacky ways, and what's the point in an emotion if you don't know what it is and what caused it right? However, as I sit wedged in this bus, I recall the state I've been in for the past few months.

I remember blankness. No emotions sticking out, not enough sadness to bother with, and not enough happiness to feel exceptional. Of course I still laughed and had my down moments. But when I compare that to how I am now, the difference is remarkable. Everything here causes strong emotion: the people, the stares, the food, the scenery, the smog, and of course the boys. I'm finally feeling, I'm overjoyed, I cry, I'm agitated, I'm at peace, and why should I care about the details. This is how life is supposed to feel. 

This is the furthest I have ever been outside of my comfort zone, and I know this is how I want to live. Being challenged in who I am both physically and mentally is how I am now truly enjoying life. 

I might slip back into my life in the bubble when I return, back into the schedule of social media and solitude. But I hope, for my sake, that I never forget how being here, being so totally removed from my normal life, so exposed to what the world really is, has made me the most alive I've ever been.

This might not translate into delving deep into travelling the world and seeing it all, but perhaps a readiness to push myself out of my comfort zone, in even little ways in my daily life, is what I now hope to see myself gain from this trip.